The convolution that is life...

I got my graduation gown in the mail today. And if you are wondering, what the heck, I didn't know she was going to school again -- well, what happened was that when I graduated from JHU, I never bothered to actually buy the official gown. Part of it was because it's so expensive, another part of it was because I was COMPLETELY sick of academia by the end of my PhD and wanted nothing less than to be reminded of the trappings thereof. (Against the advice of my supervisor, I didn't even try to interview for academic jobs then.) I was fine not having my own gown until last Fall, when the new graduation ceremony required most of us faculty to be present, in full academic regalia. And the incongruity of wearing a gown that I did not earn finally drove me to order my own.

Looking back now, it's kind of weird, the convoluted path that life weaves for us. I don't think I would have ever imagined myself staying in Hong Kong for this long. Never imagined myself going back to the hated academia, either. Certainly would never have dreamed that I would actually find a love for education and be doing all those projects that have been keeping me busy.

I do wonder: is it me who has changed, or is it simply that I have learned to know myself better? My supervisor told me when I graduated that he did not see that the cut-throat corporate environment would suit me; he told me, even then, that I would probably be happier in a more nurturing environment. Maybe it was obvious to those around me, just not myself? My pastor said in his sermon last week that the further we get away from God, the less we know ourselves. I haven't given that enough thought to have an opinion about it one way or another, but in a spiritual sense, that wasn't one of the best times in my life, either.

Maybe it was God guiding me when I didn't know myself. I certainly would like to think so.